City of Thieves and other thoughts

First of all, yeah I know it says "search inside." i know this.

Secondly, I feel that I have to mention that my computer space at home is not ergonomically correct. (at work not so much either, but definitely better than home.) So I have my keyboard... And no place to rest my wrists. Should one rest one's wrists? I do not know. All i know is that it is not very comfortable. I do have an actual desk which is a step up from before. But there is some truth to be told for ergonomical spaces. Seriously. Especially if you are spending any amount of time at the computer.

I digress....

The book - So far is wonderful. And I don't just say that. I enjoy many books. I read every day, but this book so far is truly enjoyable. The thing is - the book is about a boy's struggle with the war in Russia and the Germans' attack on his country. But somehow, no matter how obvious the war is, one gets the impression that it is about life's struggles no matter the country. It is about living without and being disappointed, and being repressed. (Obviously, there is SO much more to this story, but Read On.) The way Benioff writes it the story comes out as a vision of the way life unfolds... about the desires of a human no matter the circumstance.

And I love that. I love when I can feel a pinch of understanding no matter how far removed I am from a topic. Because we are all here and all alive, and we need to understand that above all else. We go through FAR different trials, but we need to reach out to each other, because this is but a small life.

I can't imagine living through a war on our own home land. It is incredibly foreign to me. Would we be desensitised through history, movies, and TV? Or would we be desensitized through the actual books of war? Through our actual people coming back and telling us in person how it was? Either way, I know it couldn't compare with us being there, and in that respect i would imagine that there is a mind numbing nauseous period where the war ceases to be a far away concept and instead infringes upon our every ability to function in a normal way.

How could being early to work possibly matter if every night we heard bombs going off over the city? Really? How have people, and do people, exist when the very essence of their life was threatened on a daily basis? I don't even believe in god, how can I continue to exist while that was going on? My thread to humanity is worn enough....

And I come back to the book. And books like it. And better than it. And not as good as it. And stories like it from storytellers from around the world who come back from any kind of war and tell us what it is like. We need to hear this. We need to be shocked and yet still feel connected. So we try not to repeat it. Or in America's position - don't want to repeat it, even though our government has decided that it is necessary. And we are here. And we should try and understand that people are dying.

Are we helping over there? Can you tell me? because everything in me says that we cannot be. It is not logical. If I felt that we were helping I would be for it. Honestly. I mean, concentration camps were something worth stopping. Slavery in all forms is worth stopping. Killing is worth stopping. . . Do the people in power think they are doing that? Stopping "Evil?" They say they are. Do they really?

How is evil fought with evil? If we have that much money to spend on fighting can't we build schools and real farms to help people help themselves to fight the government? I mean... Can't a billion dollars buy a lot of schools and farms and solar power? Really? Can't we teach agriculture and sustainability to help out as opposed to dropping grains once a month? And in the long run it would save us money hand over fist, and we would probably have a country cousin in the distance that would say, "Hey! Thanks for the help!"

Just a thought. I know it sounds crazy... But isn't niceness followed by niceness most of the time? If not always, majority rule would label that one person as a spoil sport and if the majority TRULY acts together a spoil sport will learn fast. (And I mean TRULY act together. Not let's wait five years and then help out our buddies against an asshole.)

Food for thought. And I am thinking. And that is good.

Later - 

I finished the book. And throughout the sadness and desperation was a simple hope. It kind of masked the cruelty. I don't know how. Am I desensitized? I don't even know anymore. Maybe I sensed the narrator's desensitized nature. He dealt with repulsive sights and unbelievable character, yet he pushed on. Would we be able to do that? Will we have to? 

Lev marched through the scenes in a book detached from the world around him. He mentioned the details, and mentioned the nausea, but I didn't feel it like i normally would hearing about the depravity of human character. Is that because he was detached, or because as a reader I knew that he would make it out of it? All I know is that I followed his character and related to him. He felt "normal" human emotions under extreme circumstances, and I understand that. And he performed in ways that would be incomprehensible under normal circumstances. 

And I keep wondering how I would be. Right now I feel wholly detached from the world around me. Honestly, i can't tell if that is good or bad. Whenever I really think about what is going on it is upsetting, but i never learn enough about it to care in the deepest ways. I think it i because I am scared of the outcome. I know that nothing great can last forever. I don't necessarily mean my way of life... The world has a way of going on for a while in uninterrupted ignorance or glee. But I mean that I feel like we are precariously perched on the edge of explosion. on the lip of a volcanic eruption if you will. And I'm not ready for it. 

Maybe the idea of war itself makes me feel this way. The things that have happened in this world unhinge me. I can't comprehend it. And the idea that it went on and is going on makes me realize that one day it will make its way into my life. And that scares the shit out of me. Each day I make an effort not to watch the news and hear about the politics of it all because the only thing I can do is hang on. 

And maybe i am being a whole lot melodramatic. I understand that. But on a smaller scale the talk of politics and the way people misunderstand each other makes me crazy. I can't take it. I don't enjoy feeling angry, misunderstood, or hearing about others being the victims of ignorance. Life is too damn short. I'm trying to hang on here. 

And yet... and yet... life is too short not to fight for it. 

And yet, and yet. It is all about others, isn't it. Never about us. Perhaps that is the mind that needs to change. It is just all so overwhelming. 

Through the looking glass...

This is Michael at a Bachelor Party. I like this shot!!! Have you ever considered why we do bachelor and bachelorette parties these days? I mean, more and more often you find that people are friends with both genders. Why can't we just call them something else and celebrate together? Don't get me wrong, though! I had such a good time at mine! I wish you had been there, Melinda! Dawn, Erin, and I rocked the house. And I do not use that phrase liberally.

So I guess I see the benefits of both types of parties. Speaking of parties... we should have a party soon! Are you still planning on having your birthday party at Mike's house? Let me know if it is for sure on and if you are doing it on Saturday the 8th until after midnight of course! Michael and I will try our damndest to make it! (job permitting for Michael. Whole other blog entry.)

I miss you! Until our next party...

Animal, Vegetable, Miracle

I have thought about how to write the entry for this book. I have thought about how to put it together so you really get a good idea of the ideas behind it and the families belief structure and how it all impacts our way of life. And the thing is... I'm not writing an essay, so I am just going to tell you how I feel about it. 

    There are so many different things going on in society nowadays, and I often find myself wondering if I have something that I seriously care about. I don't seem to have a drive for a particular cause. And the thing is - we don't need causes. We just need to be self aware and questioning, and if we always do those two things it will just get better. It is that simple. This can be applied to any number of problems. (I am not even going to get into the fact that one person's self aware is different than another's. We are just going to pretend for a minute that we are all logical empathetic human beings who are concerned about our lives and the lives of those who follow in the next generation.)

This book is about a family who move from a city to a country farm. It is about their goal to live an entire year on local foods. They either grow it themselves, or buy it from producers who live within 100 miles. That idea of it is simple. It kind of started as a test of sorts. (I spent about 9 months of my life as a vegetarian as a test of sorts to see if I could do it. I could. And then my mom made some delicious hamburgers. It was all over after that. But the test proved that i could do without something that until that point had been a big part of my life.) I digress. 

   I don't want to make this family seem like they are a family to be followed or revered; i just want to talk about their experience. We have come so far away from the farm and the table in this country. Most of us eat at TV trays on a regular basis, and frankly, I am sick of it. It may seem a little too easy to blame obesity on TV trays, but it is certainly a start. 

   In Japan they treat every meal like it is something to be savored. They stop and enjoy the bite, however small. In farm cultures, like southern France, Italy, and parts of the United Sates, they savor the vegetables that make up their great region in season. In this way they can savor the goodness that they have helped raise from the earth. In their way they are savoring every bite and appreciating the hard work it took for that particular bite to make its way from the earth into our mouths. 

   When you eat in front of the TV or in between emails at work it is difficult to appreciate the food at all. Mostly you are appreciating "Lost" or the fact that you have a deadline. 

   And the appreciation is just the start of it. Is it also too easy to say that our family togetherness has taken a hit because we don't share meals together? At the end of the day how many of you sit around a table and talk with your closest friends and family members over a home cooked meal? We are not talking four courses here. Just simple meals shared. Dinner time should be a shared slow down time at the end of a hard day. Long day. Or even boring day. We need to connect. 

   How many of us can honestly say that we know recipes from our grandparents? It hasn't always been that way. It is part of the culture in other parts of the world. I know so many people with grandparents from Mexico, the Philippines, Italy, and India who have passed down recipes complete with the attitude it takes to make certain kinds of pasta or lumpia. The crazy thing is... most of us have relatives from other places with great food cultures... but it has stopped coming down. We have it too easy. We have McDonalds, Subway, Chili's, and yes even Chipotle. Fast choices that we grab in order to save a few minutes. Well, guess what? Those few minutes we saved? Usually we spend those in front of the TV or on the toilet because the food hurt our stomachs. Hmmm. Maybe I'm off track. 

   Food culture is not just about eating. It is about our farmland that is going extinct. It is about our small towns producing their beloved products that they care about... and then going out of business because of Taco Bell and WalMart. 

   I think we do need to care about local food. A lot. We need to care about our local grower, because he or she cares about the food they create, and not only is it better for us, but it is freaking delicious. The local farmer has a family, and if they are successful, their family will continue producing yummy tomatoes for decades to come. They will treat the soil with respect, and therefor will continue to grow on the same soil for years to come. They won't be so concerned with the bottom dollar that they put pesticides on the food we eat because it will make them an extra $1000 this growing season because they know that in the next five years that $1000 will end up killing their soil and their livelihood. They are concerned about the future of their land and their children. 

   And we should be too! It is not about this year. How can we not see that? It is so evident. Before I read this book I understood that, especially about politics. Now it is in front of every political struggle I see. If we just stopped thinking about this weekend and starting thinking about ten years down the road we would be a more healthy country. Does that start with food? It may not seem like it, but we do need it to survive. Why not? 

Bullshit

I was going to post something here on my 10 minute break, but my head is so jumbled and crazy, I can't put anything together. I'd just like to say I'm feeling nauseous, anxious, and jubilant, somehow, with a little mania thrown in there somewhere. I'm also kind of hungry under the nausea.

I invited Kady to join our blog, but she is kind of intimidated at the idea of having an email address, much less writing on a blog, so we'll see!

Also - The Office is AWESOME!

Your Mom, My Mom, Etc.

Some days I'm just grumpy, like today. Everything, at least ALMOST everything, is irritating me. I'm attempting to make a wedding cake whilst customers, my manager, Sven, and flies are getting in my way and making a project that really shouldn't take more than three hours stretch on into the 8 hour mark.

On a good note: I took me-self out to Crossroads today and got a new pair of jeans that fit me and the cutest pink and navy retro style dress, all for only $30. Yeah for me!

Work calls. Raspberries. And yes, Three Sheets is awesome.

Three Sheets

I have found the wonders of "Three Sheets" through my husband Michael through his coworker Dave... and I must say... holy shit, I should thank Zane Lamprey for my embarkation on this wondrous journey of reborn alcohol lust. I must say... I have always had a soft spot in my heart for beer, and he has only enhanced that spot. He travels the world and drinks beer and makes fun of people, yet at the same time celebrates people, and it leaves you feeling whole and buzzerific. 

   Sometimes I feel this warm glow of embarrassment when loud Americans go to other countries and I witness their antics on television. Not Zane. Something about him... Perhaps his willingness to quietly make fun of himself, perhaps his willingness to try anything without pretending that he likes or dislikes it... makes me curiously attracted to his persona. 

   So now I am an advocate of Three Sheets on Mojo. Honestly, I have never even heard of the station, but now I want to go to Brussels because of Zane. I wonder what his wife is like. I bet it would be fun to drink with them both. Because if she could put up with him I bet she is a cool mofo. 

   Here's to cheers in all its glorious languages. Here's to drinking, having fun, smoking out, living large, and generally living it up. Because after all... We've only got one life.